Violence against women is by no means a fresh issue, and it truly pains me to read about how marginal the improvements in abuse statistics have been in the last decade despite a plethora of information and funding from the government.

In the United States alone, a woman is raped every 6 minutes. Does that surprise you? According the United States Department of Justice, in 8 out of 10 rape cases, the victim knows the perpetrator. Of people who report sexual violence, 64% of women and 16% of men were raped, physically assaulted, or stalked by an intimate partner (this includes a current or former spouse, cohabitating partner, boyfriend/girlfriend, or date).

Although rape is arguably the most heinous act one human being can do another, abuse can take on many forms and as such is no less deplorable. Like alcohol or cocaine, an abusive relationship can stem from a desperate and often unreasonable obsession; whether it is a need to dominate, or a need to love, such relationships are toxic, and often lead to physical or emotional disfigurement. In the worst cases, an abusive relationship will lead to death.

“The iodine stung bitterly. It pooled in the divots of my neck where I remember the prongs of the fork broke skin; it’s orange tendrils soaked into locks of wavy hair and dripped down my back onto the cold, exquisitely pale marble floor. I looked in the mirror. A black eye; a couple of scratches; a puffy lip. Shit. I was irritated that I couldn’t find any peroxide, and made a mental note to replenish the first aid kit…. It was just another routine day in my life.” – Anonymous

“I didn’t see it coming. We went out with some of his mates and he had been drinking all day, and then his old girlfriend arrived. I was upset because he sat on her knee and kissed her, so I went to sit in the car. He came bellowing over, so I locked the door. He put his fist through the passenger window then dragged me through it. After receiving a punch in the head…” – Jane, DVIRC

“The three of them sexually assaulted me at the same time. There was no one to tell and I knew that no one would believe me so I have stayed quiet all of these years. I married an abusive man and suffered through twenty-one years of marital sexual abuse and rape. I tried to talk about this after I divorced him and his family convinced my children that I was crazy” – MaPetitieChloe, DancingInTheDarkness.com

“I had no words for what had happened to me. I just knew that I had never felt so lost or had such pain. My whole life had changed that afternoon.” – Holly, The Voices & Faces Project

Graphic accounts such as the ones featured above helped me understand that abuse and rape in the United States is not just a statistic – a woman like me (like you), with hopes, dreams, quirks, and insecurities is extinguished, molested, beaten, or dismissed every minute of every day. Reading their stories was an eye-opener.

Of the many websites I visited, The Voices and Faces Project stands out as one of the best resources for information, comfort, and hope for violence victims. This national documentary project “was created to give voice and face to survivors of sexual violence, offering a sense of solidarity to those who have lived through rape and abuse while raising awareness of how this human rights and public health issue impacts victims, families and communities.”



Current Legislation:
The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), first passed in 1994, made domestic violence and sexual assault crimes. The VAWA created new punishments for these crimes and gave agencies helping victims more funding to improve their services. In 2000 and again in 2006, the VAWA was successfully re-authorized (in other words renewed by Congress and the president). In addition to re-authorizing the law the following new additions were introduced:

• new protections for victims who are evicted from their apartments because they are victims of domestic violence and/or stalking
• funding for rape crisis centers
• programs to meet the needs of women of different races or ethnicities
• more programs and services for victims with disabilities
• services for children and teens

There are many organizations which offer help and information absolutely free to women in need across the country, and all it takes is a computer and the will to make a change.



How to help a friend who is being abused:
Let’s be frank. Any human being with even the slightest capability to empathize will know when another human being is in pain. If your friend is being abused, you know it, and you should not feed into his or her denial of the issue. Here are some helpful tips on how to help your friend through a difficult time from WomensHealth.gov:

• Set a time to talk. Set aside a time to talk privately with your friend. Make sure you talk in a quiet place where you won’t be distracted.
• Let your friend know you’re concerned about her safety. Be honest. Help her to see the abuse. Tell her about times when you were worried about her safety. Help her see that what she’s going through is not normal and that she deserves better. Let her know you are concerned about her and want to help.
• Let your friend know you understand she’s in a tough situation. Make sure she knows the abuse is not her fault. Tell her that she is not alone, that she has many people who love her and care about her. Let her know there is help and support out there.
• Be supportive. Listen to your friend. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for her to talk about the abuse. Let her know that you are there to help her.
• Don’t place shame, blame, or guilt on your friend. Don’t say, “You just need to leave.” Instead, say something like, “I get scared thinking about what might happen to you.”
• If your friend decides to stay, continue to be supportive. She may decide to stay in the relationship. Or she may leave and then go back to the relationship many times. It may be hard for you to understand, but there are lots of reasons people stay in abusive relationships. Be supportive, no matter what your friend decides to do.
• Encourage your friend to do things outside of the relationship, with friends and family.
• Help her make a safety plan.
• If your friend decides to leave, continue to be supportive. Even though the relationship was abusive, she may still feel sad and lonely once it is over.
• Encourage your friend to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help her find a local domestic violence agency. If she decides to take this step and get help, offer to go with her to the agency, to talk to friends and family, to the police, or to court.
• Keep in mind that you can’t “rescue” your friend. She has to be the one to decide it’s time to get help. Support her no matter what her decision.
• Let your friend know that you will always be there no matter what.

How to get a Court Order for protection from you abuser:

• If you’re being abused, you can get a court order of protection to protect yourself (and your children). You can get an application for a court order of protection at courthouses, women’s shelters, legal offices, and some police stations.
• If an order is issued and the abuser does anything listed on the order, call the police right away. The police can arrest the abuser and put him/her in jail for violating the order. Contact a local domestic violence agency to talk about the different ways you can protect yourself and your children aside from a court order.

Get More Information:
The Domestic Violence Prevention Enhancement and Leadership Through Alliances (DELTA)
Sexual Assault Coalitions by State
WomensHealth.gov
American Bar Association on Domestic Abuse Statistics
National Organization for Women (NOW)



Who to contact for help:

To get immediate help and support
call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

or the National Sexual Assault Hotline
at 1-800-656-4673.
You can also visit the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline



Show Your Support:
Show your support by including a link to PledgeForMoms.org in the form of these fun mini-buttons!

<a href="http://www.pledgeformoms.org"> <img alt="I Love Moms" src="http://pledgeformoms.org/wp-content/uploads/gallery/heartbutton.gif" title="PledgeForMoms.org" border="0" width="100" length="100"></a>	<a href="http://www.pledgeformoms.org"> <img alt="I Love Moms" src="http://pledgeformoms.org/wp-content/uploads/gallery/starbutton.gif" title="PledgeForMoms.org" border="0" width="100" length="100"></a>	<a href="http://www.pledgeformoms.org"> <img alt="I Love Moms" src="http://pledgeformoms.org/wp-content/uploads/gallery/starsbutton.gif" title="PledgeForMoms.org" border="0" width="100" length="100"></a>

Other Sources:
Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep’t of Just., NCJ 183781, Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at iv (2000), available here



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